Growing up Gay
~ All descriptions and quotes come from the respected websites ~
I was born in 1969. Our family consisted of a mother, father and three sons.
From as far back as I can remember, I was 'different' than my brothers. On the outside I have brown hair and eyes and they both had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. I thought I was adopted. Turns out I was not, and I was just looking for a reason as the why I had felt so different.
Some sources say that a child's personality is 'set' by the time they are about five years old. Oddly, this is around the time I started realizing how different I really was.
We all go through stages when we feel different, especially in childhood. But I knew this was different. I kept hearing people talking about 'disgusting gays' and that they all 'touched little boys'. I couldn't figure out why people were saying these things. I was naive when it came to the world. My parents kept me pretty sheltered to the outside world. They thought it might corrupt me, or I'd catch something like a cold, but more like being some drunk on the street. They thought I would be influenced by what was around me. Well they were partly correct, we all take-in our surroundings to a point.
I remember being at the beach, and a man walked by, he was walking to the end of the beach. Innocent enough. That is when my mother said the statement "He is going in their to touch boys, he is sick" or something along those lines. I didn't know what she was talking about, but I saw the anger and hatred in her eyes. This registered with me, and floated with-in my mind.
As I grew older, it was pretty obvious to me, that I was gay. Neither of my parents told me to act less feminine, or play more baseball. I was one of those stereotypical gays that just hung-out with the girls in the neighborhood. I didn't like being around boys. Partly because they were so dirty and played so rough, and the other part was because I found myself attracted to them. I'm not sure if it was sexual, being at such a young age, but I knew throughout first to sixth grade, I had crushes on certain boys in my school and neighborhood.
By the time I was twelve, I had my first sexual encounter with a friend, on a Catholic Retreat my youth group and I spent the weekend at. I didn't really like it. But I knew I was gay, or at least attracted to the male gender.
I did date a girl in high school. This was when I was going through my real 'first love'. I loved her. She was my first love. But my second, in years ahead, would be a Man. I was picked on in school, bullied, beat up. People thought I was a smart 'nerd' or a preppy 'pretty boy'. I hated when people told me my teeth were as white as Donny Osmonds. I didn't want to stand out. I didn't want any compliments, I didn't want to be bullied...I did not want to be gay. So this is when my self destructive stage began. Everything seemed to happen around 10 to 12 years of age.
At one point, I wanted to get a sex change. I thought it would be easier if I just live as a women. I had no positive gay role models. I was desperate to be someone else. There was this character named 'Munroe' that people would call me, he was a very feminine character on television. It's not like I wore a pink hat and joined the cheerleading group. I was quiet, at that time, I was friendless and shy, and I was an easy target. In another culture, like some Native American, sexual orientation or how one acts has a completely different element and role in the community, both respected and expected. See Berdache.
When I did come out of the closet, around 17....people would say "You are gay?"...as if I was making it up. My response was always something to the effect of; "People have been calling me a fag for the last six years, and now that I say I am gay, people are shocked."
This leads me to believe that the name calling when I was younger, was just that. It was not until high school did the name calling really focus on my 'gay-ness'.
After high school, I traveled around, worked a lot, slept with a lot of people and did a lot of drugs. I surrounded myself with a 'safe-zone'. Only gay people I would socialize with, and I would work at jobs that had mostly woman employed there. I was extremely uncomfortable around men. My father and I used to scream a lot at each other, but I think it was me just copying he and my mother screaming at each other. He was an kind of 'old school' thinker, where the woman stays at home or only works part time, and does all the house work and cooking. This I resented, because I liked my mother, I identified with the female sex more than the male sex. At one point, I didn't know I was a boy. I was very unhappy when I learned this.
How the heck can that happen? you may ask. Well you'd be surprised how far a child can go into denial about any aspect of life. How much a child or any human, can separate themselves from themselves. I have found that I am definitely treated differently because I am gay. I am sure I have been denied jobs because of it. Again, I don't wear a pink hat, but when people see me, they just assume I am gay, in any outfit I where, and in any environment I am in.
I had years of hatred towards gays that could 'blend-in' with the rest of the world. They were treated differently, they were accepted. Its almost as if people sometimes say; "I know you are gay, if you don't look it or act it, or talk about it, that's fine with me."
I of course had this same outlook, while hating myself and being attracted to over-powering abusive men. I was becoming my mother. I felt crazy. What would my life be like? Keep in mind, during all this time, I am in addiction's hands. abusing drugs, sleeping with anything with a pulse, I was self abusing myself by cutting myself and I was using food as a way to feel in control, by being anorexic. So I had a lot on my plate. The more I found out about myself, the more I wanted to be someone else, the more I did self-destructive things. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to be part of the human race. I felt the human race didn't want me to be a part of it.
Whenever I would see something on television about gay people, it seemed to always be a negative depiction. Similar to how, a few decades back in time, white people made educational movies showing how black people would steal and rape your white wife. Seems so odd that this was not so long ago.
I always got mixed signals from those around me. My mother would talk badly about the gay guy in the neighborhood, but when her brother, my gay uncle, and his long time partner (boy friend), would come over, (which was every holiday, including mother's day and father's day and birthdays) he was treated as part of the family. There was no negative talk about him after he left. He was accepted. I think it had to do with the fact that my uncle hadn't told the family he and his partner were long-time lovers. Its that 'don't talk about it' mind-set which works so well in a person's life.
As I started sober-up, I started dating a man. This was the second love I was speaking about above. I had never been with someone who liked me as much as I liked him. I had never been in a relationship where we talked and didn't always fight. I fell in love.
During this time, I went through a transformation. Three things happened to me emotionally. I started to feel less and less anger towards my father. I then started feeling less and less anger towards the gay population, and finally, I could accept fully, that I was a man, a gay man. I hate the old sayings; "He made me feel like a women" or "He makes me feel complete." But the truth is, by letting my guard down, by allowing myself to fall in love, I was able to tap into what I felt. No relationship lasts forever, and this one followed the rule. I was devastated, but at a different level of acceptance of myself.
Since this time, about twelve years ago, I have dated a bit, had a few one night stands, but I have been basically single. For the last 5 years, I have been slowly becoming celibate. Not because I don't like the way sex feels, or that I am ashamed of it...it just seemed to feel better when I was in love. As sappy as that sounds, it is truly how I feel.
I found myself sleeping around, actually trying to make myself feel that I was in love with this person I had just picked up in a parking lot. I did this more than once, until I realized what I was doing and then I started really looking into my behavior. I was sober and clean, in A.A, Alcoholics Anonymous and N.A. Narcotics Anonymous, but I was unhappy. I was having empty sex. Something that used to fill a gap in my soul. So I started to attend S.L.A.A, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
I learned a lot there about sexuality. I learned that not everyone who looks gay is gay and not everyone who looks heterosexual is a heterosexual. I also learned that, yes I am a gay man, but that doesn't mean I am disgusted by a woman's body. I also got to meet a lot of nice people, from all walks of life. Some were sober, some were mandated by the court to keep attending meetings because they were charged with some 'minor' sexual crime. There was a well dressed, attractive woman, who was married, but she would drive to seedy parts of any town to pick guys up. There was the married guy, who looked like any other married guy, who was disturbed by his attraction to males. Anything else between, attended those meetings.
I am almost 34 now. I live in a gay populated area. I accept who I am completely. I do not have to surround myself with just gay people, infact, I am not even in the 'loop' of who is who in the gay world. I just live a simple life with my companions, Shiva, Elvis, Inky & Antonio.
I look back, in sadness, at all the years I hated myself and all the mean things people have done to me. I still get angry. But what can I do? Nothing. I am who I am now, because of what I have been through. Every once in a while someone will say the word 'fag' around me, or I will be treated differently because I am gay, and yes...it hurts like hell. Sometimes as much as it did when I was a child. But I recover a lot quicker now.
I try not to read to many stories or watch television programs or movies that have hatred towards gays. It makes me so angry, but I realize I am not able to change some Christian Fundamentalists idea that they say their god says I am an abomination. God created me. I am His son. I am who He wanted me to be. I will be who He wants me to become.
There are many topics I also do not discuss with a lot of people, like gay marriage, gay sex, pedophilia or any other political or religious topics. I find people like me for who I am. I'm not going to try and make someone like the 'gay part' of me. It is just that, a 'part' of who I am. I am not a gay man. I am a man, who happened to be gay, who happens to live with animals, who happens to be a vegetarian, who happens to be himself.
I doubt gays will ever be excepted into society, even though in centuries gone by, it wasn't always thought of as 'disgusting'. Infact, there was a tribe of people who honored the transgendered. The male or female people in their community who was accepting of both sides of themselves. These people performed marriages. They were thought to be more advanced., less 'controlled' by their physical body and desires.
That scares some people to death. Most people are not aware of a lot from humankind's past.
I am so glad that teenagers and young adults have access to more books, websites and groups related to the topic of homosexuality. They feel less alone. Less like they are keeping a dirty little secret. More excepted. These people are the future of the world. I would rather have a bunch of self-confident people ruling the earth than a bunch of people who hate themselves. We all know how people who hate themselves usually treat others, not good.
So good luck to all who are on the journey of discovering and accepting who they are.
NEWS
For more updates and news on Gay Issues and more, please visit my Updates webpage.
March 2006
"One out of three gay students skipped school last month because they were afraid to go."
March 2006
"Anti-Gay Murder up 11%. Anti-Gay Incidents up 4%..........the second half of 2003 into 2004 shows a continued trend that is unabated due, in part, to the cultural and political dynamics of 2004."
March 2006
In the last few weeks, thousands of gay and lesbian couples expressed their love and commitment to each other in San Francisco, California, in the ceremony of marriage. How does President Bush react to these celebrations of love and familial stability? By proposing an amendment to the U.S. Constitution banning marriage for gays and lesbians.
That's right: President Bush wants to write discrimination against and estimated 10% of the U.S. population into our Constitution. We oppose this amendment because:
1. Constitution is to protect our freedoms, not impose discrimination.
2. Bush argues that the institution of marriage is religiously "sacred" which violates the covenants of separation of church and state.
3. Bush has bigger problems that he needs to address!
Instead of addressing major problems with the US economy, unemployment, the war in Iraq, climate change, terrorism, and the global AIDS crisis; the Bush administration would rather play political games with the lives, relationships and rights of these American citizens.
Please join us in urging Bush to stop wasting the country's time and drop his proposed ban on gay marriage!
March 2006
SUMMARY: LGBT teens who face homophobic bullying are among the U.K.'s most at risk of being disadvantaged, says a government-commissioned study.
Lesbian and gay students who face homophobic bullying are one of the most vulnerable groups in the United Kingdom to becoming disadvantaged, according to a new government-commissioned study.
The report, released Monday by the Equalities Review, says LGBT teenagers in school are likely to be disadvantaged members of society because of the bullying they may face.
The report follows previous surveys that found young LGBT people were leaving school early and not continuing further education because of homophobic abuse they suffered at school.
The Equalities Review says that LGBT young people are not the only group to be at risk of "chronic and persistent" disadvantage.
According to its interim report released Monday, boys from ethnic minorities who have been excluded from school are also set to be disadvantaged, as are disabled people looking for work.
Lone and partnered women looking for work are struggling as well, the interim report says.
There will be a consultation period before the Equalities Review, an independent panel commissioned in February 2005 by the British government to investigate the causes of all forms of discrimination and inequality in British society, gives a final study later this year.
But its chairman, Trevor Phillips, say the results so far lead to a somber reading of life for many vulnerable people in the U.K.
"This review shows where we need to focus our efforts to ensure that all of those who are disadvantaged in some way are given the opportunity to reach their full potential and contribute to a vibrant and successful U.K. economy," Phillips said.
Only 6 percent of schools in England and Wales have policies aimed at protecting gay students from bullying, though the majority have campaigns against racist bullying.
November 30, 2005
"The Buying for Equality guide is made available by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. It provides information to consumers to help
them support companies and products that support gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality. The "Buying for Equality" guide is
"The winners and losers may surprise people. Some brands with big gay followings, including Whole Foods Market and products like Ben & Jerry's ice cream and Subaru cars, did not fare as well as their competition."
SOURCE: "PlanetOut This Weekend" email update from Planet Out Dec 3 2005
Excerpts from an educational and entertaining email newsletter relating gay issues and topics
PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION
"I pledge not to vote for, or otherwise support, any politician of any political party who supports adding the Federal Marriage Amendment, or any similar amendment to define marriage, to the U.S. Constitution."
"A new Web campaign was launched today to fight the far-right's attempt to add anti-gay language to the US Constitution. The campaign, called DontAmend.com, is promising to be the largest online gay mobilization in history."
"Compare the social and environmental practices of brands with Ideals Work. See how they compare on gay and lesbian issues."
Was 'Alexander Hamilton', known as the 'Leader of the Federalists', the 'First U.S. Secretary of the Treasury', who was elected to the first 'Continental Congress' and who rode beside General Washington in the battles at Brandywine, Germantown, and Monmouth', gay?
HARRY HAY & THE MATTACHINE SOCIETY
"One of the earliest gay movement organisations in the USA. It began in Los Angeles in 1950-51. Its name was given by the pioneer activist Harry Hay."
"Founded in York City in 1955 (incorporated in 1961) as a non-profit organization for educating the public in all aspects of homosexuality, for
assisting the individual gay in coping with problems related to his homosexuality, for effecting changes in social attitudes towards gays and for securing
the repeal of laws discriminating against gays in housing, employment and assembly. It was one of several affiliates of the Mattachine Society
founded in Los Angeles in 1951."
BOOKS
Radically Gay : Gay Liberation in the Words of Its Founder by Harry Hay, Will Roscoe (Editor)
Beacon Press; Hardcover (June 1996) ASIN: 0807070807 - Paperback (June 1997) ISBN: 0807070815
"Activist, author, teacher, and visionary Harry Hay is an American original. He has left his mark on some of the most significant social and cultural movements of the twentieth century, from trade unionism to New Age spirituality. But it is Harry Hay's role in launching the Lesbian / Gay liberation movement that has earned him a place in history."
The Roman Catholic Church, at one time, worshipped gay saints like Saint Boris and George the Hungarian and Saints Brigid and Darlughdach of Kildare. Read more in Passionate Holiness: Marginalized Christian Devotions for Distinctive People by Dennis O'Neill, 'Trafford' Publication - Paperback (January 2005) ISBN 1-41203-9401
ONLINE BOOKS
"Since opening its doors in 1996, The Open Book, Ltd. has become one of the country's leading independent bookstores specializing in gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender titles. Over the years it has become more than just a personalized, service-oriented bookstore and coffeehouse; it has also become a community resource center where customers can meet with their friends and family members in a comfortably designed and safe environment."
TWO-SPIRIT PEOPLE
Two-Spirit People, or one called a 'Berdanche', or even one of the 'third gender', are individuals not caterigorized as either gay or lesbian, transvestite or bisexual. Those who, in many Native American Cultures, who are respected and looked apon as people who are both male and female, making them more complete, more balanced than simply a man or a woman. Before those from Europe came from across the waters, and took over their land, these people were part of the 'norm', connected with the very heartbeat of the life force we are all part of. Even today, Berdaches are accepted in many American Indian societies and in other settings.
QUOTES & INFO
~ All descriptions and quotes come from the respected websites ~
"Leaders who say, and probably believe, they oppose discrimination against gay people -- including mainline Protestant church leaders, corporation heads, celebrities, and 99 percent of our 'friends' in elected office -- have been bizarrely stunned into silence by the word 'marriage.' This goes right to the heart as to how we are seen as human beings: Either we're fully equal or we're not -- it's that simple."
~ National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Executive Director Matt Foreman to
"The Wockner Wire," June 1.
".....the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Medical Association have all agreed that reparative therapy, (the practice of trying to alter one's sexual orientation) does not work and is harmful to the mental and physical health of lesbians and gay men." (see below for more info)
"Is Sexual Orientation a Choice? No, human beings can not choose to be either gay or straight. Sexual orientation emerges for most people in early adolescence without any prior sexual experience. Although we can choose whether to act on our feelings, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed."
"Can Therapy Change Sexual Orientation? No. Even though most homosexuals live successful, happy lives, some homosexual or bisexual people may seek to change their sexual orientation through therapy, sometimes pressured by the influence of family members or religious groups to try and do so. The reality is that homosexuality is not an illness. It does not require treatment and is not changeable."
"Our AMA....opposes, the use of "reparative" or "conversion" therapy that is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon the a priori assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation."
"As in all psychoanalytic treatments, the goal of analysis with homosexual patients is understanding. Psychoanalytic technique does not encompass purposeful efforts to "convert" or "repair" an individual's sexual orientation. Such directed efforts are against fundamental principles of psychoanalytic treatment and often result in substantial psychological pain by reinforcing damaging internalized homophobic attitudes."
"Sexual orientation discrimination is wrong, whether or not we're gay from birth or have to attend correspondence school to get a degree in deviance."
~ Syndicated journalist Ann Rostow in the L.A. gay newspaper FAB! July 29.
"There has been zero negative effect. The only people who have been affected by the decision to allow same-sex marriages [in Massachusetts] are a few people who lived across the street from a couple of lesbians and had to buy them wedding presents. That is clear to people in Massachusetts. No one - credibly - argues now that this has had a negative effect on anybody. We knew that would be the case."
~ Gay U.S. Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass., to the Seattle Gay News, July 29. Baltimore Gay Life
"Each year when the swans go in, the kids immediately come to us and say, 'Which one's Romeo, and which one's Juliet?' It's just like one of those fairy tales; why spoil it?"
~ Boston Parks and Recreation Department spokeswoman Mary Hines in response to the revelation that a famous pair of swans at the Public Garden is a lesbian couple, to the Boston Globe, Aug. 12. Department officials kept it a secret for several months after they figured it out, the Globe said. Baltimore Gay Life
"Sexual orientation discrimination is wrong, whether or not we're gay from birth or have
to attend correspondence school to get a degree in deviance."
~ Syndicated journalist Ann Rostow in the L.A. gay newspaper FAB!, July 29
HOTLINE
206-350-HATE
Anywhere in the U.S.A
National Hotlines
AIDS: 1-800-342-2437
AIDS (Deaf): 1-800-243-7889
SIDA (Spanish): 1-800-344-7432
Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
STDs: 1-800-227-8922
Againt Marriage Equality
See which of your neighbors signed a petition to block equal rights for gay people.
News Release
For Immediate Release
June 5, 2006
An Open Letter to President Bush from Patrick Guerriero
Mr. President,
On behalf of millions of gay and lesbian Americans, I write to denounce your decision to divide the American family by promoting an amendment that would insert discrimination into the United States Constitution. Your decision to use the grounds of the White House—America's House—to advance discrimination is an insult to millions of fair minded Americans from all walks of life.
Mr. President, gay and lesbian Americans pay taxes, contribute to community and family life across our great nation, and worship the same all-loving and compassionate God. Thousands of gay and lesbian Americans, under your command, serve proudly in our nation's military, fighting to win the war on terror and promoting liberty across the globe. Your effort to codify discrimination against our families, including men and women in uniform while the nation is at war, is offensive and unworthy of the office of the Presidency. Great Republican Presidents from Abraham Lincoln to Ronald Reagan have united Americans and appealed to our best hopes, not our worst fears.
Wedge-issue politics may score short-term political points but will end up eroding your ability as President to unite the American people behind winning the war in Iraq, enhancing border security, advancing immigration reform, and controlling spending. Your call for "civility and decency" in this debate rings hollow because the effort to write discrimination into our Constitution is intolerant and uncivil.
While Americans deserve a chance to debate contentious issues, the constitutional amendment process you propose denies states the right to handle this issue as they deem appropriate. This proposal runs completely counter to our Party's conservative belief in federalism. We suggest you listen to your own Vice President who has reminded us that this is an issue that should be left to the states. And, we suggest you listen to your former U.N. Ambassador and former United States Senator John Danforth (R-MO) who has called this amendment one of the silliest ever proposed in our nation's history.
While decent Americans can respectfully disagree about how to offer fairness to our families, your White House event today further legitimizes the voices of intolerance who have made an industry out of denigrating gay and lesbian Americans. That legitimization has sadly fueled discriminatory state amendments across America that go beyond denying civil marriage equality—by denying even domestic partnerships or civil unions that allow for hospital visitation, inheritance rights, and basic dignity to life-long loving couples.
Mr. President, the White House has been the site of historic legislative triumphs that expanded liberty and opportunity for the American people—from expanding equal opportunity for women to the signing of the Civil Rights Act to the Americans with Disabilities Act. Today, you desecrate America's House by using the White House grounds to denigrate part of the American family. History recalls those moments in America's past when our nation's leaders expanded liberty and fairness for American citizens. History also remembers those political leaders who have stood in the doorway of equality and tolerance.
Mr. President, may God bless our great nation—and each and every American who believes in the promise of the Declaration of Independence that all Americans are created equal.
Fast facts to help you decide whether you'd want to pop the question if you could. If same-sex marriage is ever legalized, you and your partner will need to decide whether marriage is right for you. Here are some things to consider.
* If you have children or hope to raise a family, marriage is probably the right option. Married couples by law have equal rights to raise their children, as well as equal obligations of support. In a divorce, both parents can seek visitation and custody, and if one parent dies, the other one steps right in as the primary legal parent. It is nearly impossible to make these sorts of arrangements absent a legal marriage.
* Marriage isn't a prerequisite for owning property together, but if you get married, in most situations your property will be jointly owned regardless of who pays for it. This is the reverse of the presumption that applies to unmarried couples. Getting married may be the most efficient way of establishing a property merger -- though if keeping things separate is more to your taste, you will have to sign a prenuptial agreement to avoid the joint ownership presumptions of a legal marriage.
* In most states, each married spouse's earnings are owned by the two of you, and if the marriage breaks up -- regardless of who's at fault -- you each generally get half of everything you've accumulated. By contrast, if you are unmarried, your property is co-owned only if you have an agreement to that effect; likewise for debts and obligations. Divorcing spouses are also entitled to demand alimony if the marriage doesn't last, without the need for any explicit contract providing for post-separation support.
* Every marriage requires a formal ceremony, and every marital separation requires some kind of formal court action -- and quite often the help of a lawyer. Unmarried couples can break up informally, on their own terms.
* Absent a legal marriage, a couple needs to sign several agreements to create even a partial framework of protection in the event of death, and certain tax benefits are forever denied to unmarried couples. If you are married, however, the surviving spouse generally inherits all the property if the partner dies without a will. At death, a bequest from one spouse to another is tax free, regardless of its size.
* Transfers of property upon dissolution of the relationship are also tax free for legally married couples, but not for unmarrieds.
* Marriage can bestow a bevy of important benefits, including military or Social Security benefits, health care and nursing home coverage. Marriage may also qualify you for unpaid leave from your job under the Family Leave Act. But watch out -- a married person's income could disqualify a spouse from receiving Social Security, welfare or medical benefits she'd receive if she were unmarried.
* A legal marriage is the only reliable method of providing a foreign partner with the privileges of immigration to this country, when he doesn't qualify under work or other provisions of the Immigration Act.
“It is a real threat to millions of Americans when the Republican leadership stands on the Senate floor and gives license to treat gay and lesbian Americans as second-class citizens....” ~ Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese
"The Constitutional Amendment we are debating today strikes me as antithetical in every way to the core philosophy of Republicans. It usurps from the states a fundamental authority they have always possessed, and imposes a federal remedy for a problem that most states do not believe confronts them, and which they feel capable of resolving should it confront them, again according to local standards and customs."
–Sen. John McCain, (R-AZ), Senate floor statement, 7/14/04
"Like most Americans, and most Republicans, I think it's important to do all we can to defend and strengthen the institution of marriage. And I also believe it is critically important to defend the integrity of the Constitution. But a federal amendment to define marriage would do nothing to strengthen families - just the opposite. And it would unnecessarily undermine one of the core principles I have always believed the GOP stood for: federalism."
– Former Senator Alan Simpson (R-WY), The Washington Post , 9/5/2003
"Amending the Constitution to define marriage as between a man and a woman would be unwise for two reasons. Constitutionalizing social policy is generally a misuse of fundamental law. And it would be especially imprudent to end state responsibility for marriage law at a moment when we require evidence of the sort that can be generated by allowing the states to be laboratories of social policy."
– Syndicated conservative commentator George Will , The Washington Post, 11/30/2003
Leading Civil Rights Leaders Oppose the So-Called Federal Marriage Amendment
"In my view, constitutional amendments should not to be used to restrict or deny freedoms, but to protect and expand freedom. Gay and lesbian people have families, and their families should have legal protection, whether by marriage or civic unions. A constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages is a form of gay-bashing, and it would do nothing at all to protect traditional marriages. Instead of trivializing the constitution, we need some laws that give families the kind of help they really need, like job-training and child care assistance, stronger schools and health insurance coverage for every family."
– Coretta Scott King, in a speech at Stockton College, March 23, 2004
"As an organization that has, since its inception, fought for and supported amendments to the Constitution to ensure and protect the most fundamental rights for all persons, the NAACP strongly opposes the so-called Federal Marriage Amendment and all other proposals that would use the Constitution to discriminate and restrict, rather than expand and protect the rights for any and all persons."
– Hilary Shelton, Director of the NAACP Washington Bureau, Testimony before the Senate Subcommittee on the Constitution of the Senate Committee on the Judiciary, March 3, 2004
The Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA) is discriminatory
It is wrong to single out gays and lesbians for discrimination.
The proposed amendment goes beyond defining marriage and could deny gay families fundamental protections such as hospital visitation rights, inheritance rights and health care benefits. There is nothing pro-family about that.
Leading legal scholars agree that the amendment could forever invalidate civil unions or other legal protections for same-sex couples, like the right to partner health benefits or fair taxation upon the death of a partner - even if state legislatures passed them and voters approved them.
The Federal Marriage Amendment undermines the Constitution
It is wrong to write discrimination into the Constitution.
Throughout American history, the Constitution has been amended to expand and protect the rights and liberties of the American people. It has been amended to abolish slavery, and give women and young people the right to vote. It should not be used to single out some Americans for discrimination.
Amending the Constitution is very rare and is only done to address great public policy need. In our Constitution's 214 year history, it was first amended to include the Bill of Rights in 1791. Since then, it has only been amended 17 times.
It is wrong to use the Constitution as a political tool to motivate base voters.
The Federal Marriage Amendment is not what Congress should be focusing on
Between the war in Iraq , rising healthcare costs, and the continuing threat of terrorism, Congress should not be focusing on a Constitutional amendment banning marriage for same-sex couples.
Key Dates in the Battle Over the Federal Marriage Amendment
January 24, 2005 - Sen. Wayne Allard, R-Colo., re-introduced the Federal Marriage Amendment, S.J. Res. 1, in the U.S. Senate.
March 17, 2005 - Rep. Dan Lungren, R-Calif., introduced a separate bill in the House, H.J. Res. 39 that would discriminate against GLBT couples.
April 13, 2005 - The Senate Committee on the Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights and Property Rights held a hearing on the MPA. Dr. Kathleen Moltz testified about the negative effects of this amendment on same-sex couples and their families. HRC President Joe Solmonese also submitted written testimony.
October 20, 2005 - The Senate Committee on the Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights and Property Rights held a hearing titled "An Examination of the Constitutional Amendment on Marriage." Testifying in support of marriage equality were Christopher Harris, M.D. , assistant professor of Pediatrics at the Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt University, and Professor Michael Seidman of Georgetown University Law Center. Professor Nancy E. Dowd, co-director of the Center for Children and Families, and HRC President Joe Solmonese submitted written testimony supporting full marriage rights for same-sex couples.
November 9, 2005 - The Senate Subcommittee on the Constitution marked up S.J. Res. 1, the Federal Marriage Amendment. It was voted out of this committee to the full committee by a vote of 5-4 and is awaiting action by the full Senate Judiciary Committee.
More from thie website
